


if the world was ending

by cecilia095



Category: New Girl
Genre: But Mainly An Ensemble Fic, Comedy, Ensemble Cast, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hints of Nick/Jess Because I Also Can't Help Myself There, I couldn't help myself, Locked In, Quarantine, Roommates, Yep This Is A COVID-19 Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23834233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilia095/pseuds/cecilia095
Summary: "...as much as this all sucks, I'm really glad I'm stuck inside with you weirdos."Based off of life's current events, a.k.a. the COVID-19 pandemic. 30 days of quarantine at the loft feat. your favorite dummies.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 84





	if the world was ending

**Author's Note:**

> Long time no see, right?! Please, _please_ don't take any offense to the fact that yes, I wrote a fic based off of the current pandemic. I just needed a laugh, and I'm sure you probably do too. Thinking about these clowns in quarantine together kills me, so I wrote about it. In all seriousness, this is the scariest, most anxious, most uncertain time we've ever been through, and I'm sending you all the love and strength as we make our way through it. 
> 
> This fic takes place around the middle-ish of S1, when the roommates were all crazy, weirdo babies. Ugh, I miss this show.
> 
> Enjoy, and don't forget to let me know if you do! Stay safe and healthy and sane, everyone. <3

**DAY 1**

“It’s called what? C-O-V-I-D?" Schmidt's looking at her like she's insane, but it's nothing new, really. Still, Jess nods certainly. " _Covid_. It sounds like the name of one of Nick’s uglier bar pursuits. I’m not buying it.”

Jess drops the Whole Foods bag she’s got on her wrist onto the table and brushes a hand through her hair with a little bit more intensity than usual. “It’s real, it’s happening, and the whole damn country is about to be shut down.”

“And that means...?”

“It means,” she says with a huff, “that you and I are going to be fighting over the common space for the best WiFi during our Zoom calls.”

“I use my computer for one thing and one thing only Jess, and that’s —“

She bites the inside of her cheek and glares at him, then says, “Porn. You don’t have to —“

“Actually, I’ve been very active in the FanFiction world. Do you know Nick’s been writing again?”

“No, but we’ll all have _plenty_ of time to read whatever crap he does write because we’re about to be stuck in the loft for a long time together, buddy.”

Schmidt looks horrified. He leaves the loft _at least_ six times a day: Morning run, work, after-work cry/walk, two Starbucks runs, and a visit to Cece’s if they’re on... you know... screwing terms that week.

“Jess, I believe this as much as I believe Winston when he says he’s an enjoyable sexual partner. Prove it to me."

On cue, Nick — the least dramatic of the roommates — walks in the front door and throws his hands up in the air like he just saw the world end outside. "Does someone want to tell me why my bar is non-essential?!"

Jess silently throws Schmidt one of her ' _Told you sooooo_ ' glances and he sucks his teeth. 

"All of us in there are immune to this... Corona thing. If you've had a drink from the water fountain at our bar, you're fine."

"None of us are immune, dummy," Jess says seriously, and she's tired of being the only one who finds any importance in... you know... world matters like this. "I'm telling you: We're about to be in the house for a long time. You better get used to my Joni Mitchell record and my tap shoes."

Nick snickers at the mention. God damn those tap shoes. "I WILL NEVER BE USED TO THOSE THINGS!"

.....

**DAY 3**

"How are you taking this whole thing _so_ much better than we are, Winston?" Schmidt's sitting at the island in the kitchen making blueberry muffins for everyone — the internet tells him this quarantine period is a _wonderful_ time to try new activities, so here he is. He leans over Winston's shoulder and nods to the laptop his roommate is on.

"I'm a podcast host, Schmidt. I can literally do this anywhere, and I _have_. I mean, I've recorded an episode in the Starbucks bathroom because I had the runs _real_ bad, and no one will ever know."

"Unfortunately," Schmidt breathes, " _I_ do, you disgusting toilet person!"

"Guys." Jess is palming her temple, probably frustrated because she's trying to help 26 fourth-graders learn anatomy over a webcam, and they're even bigger little shits when they're in their own homes, she learns. "It hasn't even been a week. Can you guys try and get along?"

"Sure."

"NO FREAKIN' WAY."

"Schmidt," Jess warns, her voice an octave lower than it usually is. "Stop picking on Winston and make your damn muffins."

"Miss Day, you said a bad word!", she hears a little voice echo through the speaker of her laptop, and oops — she totally forgot she was on the clock for a second.

"Shit."

"Miss Day, that's an even badder word!"

"I - I think we're done with anatomy for today, kiddos."

.....

**DAY 5**

"I'm _so_ depressed I just want to put on your tap shoes on my hands and - and take my eyeballs out with them."

"They're ordinary tap shoes, Schmidt, I don't know... Never mind." She takes him a little more seriously now. It's been five days; five days of this "new normal", of Zoom calls instead of clocking in at the office, of making all of the muffin recipes that exist on the internet, of being cooped up in the loft together with three other people that they normally can get away from when it's needed. "Our mental health is definitely going to suffer from this, but please," she pauses to put a hand on her friend's shoulder gently, "know that I'm here for you, and if you can't talk to me, you can always talk to Winston, or Outside Dave, from - from the window, and I _guess_ , as a last resort you can try to talk to Nick but he's not very sensitive to other people's feelings."

Schmidt raises an eyebrow at her. "I'm fine with all of this. I just miss Cece's body. I haven't undressed it in..." He looks over his shoulder and squints to see the little calendar they've got hanging up on the fridge. "Six days. Six. Freakin'. Days. Kill me now."

.....

**DAY 6**

"Hey, Jessica."

"What, _Nicholas_?", she mocks.

He sits down next to her at the dining room table and peeks at her laptop. "That's a funny-lookin' bunch of kids, Jess."

She snaps her head and shushes him. "My microphone is on, you dummy," she says through gritted teeth.

"Oh, so should I say it louder?", he teases.

She holds up a finger to the screen and says, "I'll be right back. Keep working on your skeletal system worksheet, OK?"

"Go bother Winston."

"Can't," he says flatly, "he's having phone sex with Shelby."

"Gross," she shudders. "That's still a thing?"

"Phone sex, or Shelby?"

Jess shakes her head. "Both, I guess. I thought they broke up like, weeks ago."

"I did too, but it's the _statistics_ , Jess."

Jess cocks her brow at him. "The _what_?"

"Schmidt says there's an eighty-eight point three percent chance that being isolated at home during a pandemic will prompt us to text our exes."

"Oh God." Jess silently thinks about the slew of men — no, _dummies_ — she's dated in the last few years. The thought of texting Spencer that she misses him during a pandemic makes her want to puke. "I shouldn't have to warn you about this, but... please, Nick, _please_ don't pathetically text Caroline anything stupid. Or anything at all."

"Oh, I already did," he says casually, pulling his phone out from the pocket of his sweatpants and reading the screen. "Me: " _Hey Caroline, did you hear about this virus? Crazy, right? Anyway, thinking about you."_ Caroline: _"Hey, screw you."_ And... that's it."

.....

**DAY 9**

Cece finally video calls Schmidt back and you'd think he just saw _God_. Suddenly, he stops bitching about everything — Winston's God-awful DVD collection, Nick's outfit repeating, ( _"I don't care that we're in the middle of a pandemic, those sweatpants are trash and I'm not going to stop until you consider putting on jeans! Fine... I'll compromise... joggers?"_ ).

"I guess I was avoiding you because...", Cece starts, smacking her lips together. She even looks sexy over a blurry iPhone camera, and Schmidt's losing his mind. "Our relationship is physical. I come over your place and bang your brains out, and you come over mine and do the same thing. We're not exactly... _friends_ , Schmidt."

"Sure we are!", he exclaims. "Do you want to hear all about my Zoom meeting with my boss Kim today? She only insulted me sixteen times, I think."

Jess can hear Cece groan all the way from her spot in the kitchen. She's sure she'll be getting a call about this later, so she tunes the rest of it out.

"He's pathetic," Nick says, slugging one of the dishrags over his t-shirt and pointing a finger at their friend laid across the couch with his phone in the air, telling Cece about today's office gossip. 

"He likes her, you dummy. It's very important to connect with people during this time, you know."

"I've been practicing for this quarantine my entire _life_ , Jess." Jess stares at him like he's crazy, but he goes on. "I'm serious. I hate people, I hate putting on jeans, and I'm fine being out of work for awhile. I deserved a vacation; I was starting to work too hard."

"You called out of your last three shifts before all this started, Nick!", she yells, poking him through his t-shirt.

"Because I. Deserved. A. Vacation."

"Well," Jess says, smacking her lips together and then gesturing to the open space of their loft, "you got it."

.....

**DAY 10**

"We're almost out of groceries, Jess." Schmidt shows her the basically-empty fridge, then shuts it to show her the cabinets. "And I'm _not_ eating Nick's Spaghetti-O's."

"I'll kill you if you do, man!" Nick yells, sitting up from his spot on the couch where he and Winston are watching _How I Met Your Mother_ re-runs and fighting over which one of them is Barney. (Spoiler alert: Neither of them.)

"Then we'll have to brave it and go to the store. Remember: wear your mask, don't touch anything you don't need to, and sanitize your hands _constantly_."

Schmidt laughs. "Sounds like a typical day in my _life_ , Jessica."

"I'm serious, Schmidt. Stores are ugly. Cece told me she and Nadia went yesterday and almost got into a fist-fight with some guy over toilet paper at Walmart."

"I'm aroused, but also concerned." He shoves his hands in his pocket and pulls out a pair of latex gloves, twirling them around nervously in his palms. "I'm too nervous to go, I can't, I -"

"Fine, then Nick, you're coming with me!", Jess calls from the kitchen. "C'mon, get up. Do you own hand sanitizer?"

Nick snickers. " _Do I own hand_ _sanitizer_ ", he mocks. "I - I actually don't, can I borrow someone's?"

.....

**DAY 13**

"What's up, Jess?"

Jess's head is in her hands, and she's out of pink wine if her empty glass and the empty bottle next to it mean anything, and for the first time in two weeks, she looks like she's finally losing it.

"Um." She swallows and looks up at Nick. It's two, three in the morning, but she hasn't really been keeping track of the time, and tomorrow is Saturday. She's student-free and doesn't — _can't_ — go anywhere. "I know I've been keeping it together pretty well during all of this, but..."

She has. She helped Winston build that birdhouse he's been dying to build. She watched three seasons of _Homeland_ with Schmidt. She baked not one, not two, not three, but _six_ different cakes. She learned a little bit of French. She even called Nick's mom. Yep, not just her own — _his_. She's been so busy keeping herself occupied to forget all of the craziness of the world; to help the three guys she lives with, the three guys she cares most about, distract themselves from whatever's going on out there.

That's the thing: Jess takes care of _everyone_ , but sometimes, she forgets to take care of Jess in the process.

"I miss seeing my students, like... _not_ through a webcam. They're so bad at home, Nick! One of the little brats stuck his middle finger out at me when he thought I wasn't looking, and my virtual reprimanding is nowhere _near_ as good as my classroom reprimanding. And I haven't seen Cece since this whole thing, and - and I also really miss Artie's Cafe. I just want a latte that _isn't_ made by Schmidt."

Nick chuckles. "He's good at so many things, but he makes such shitty coffee."

" _Sooooo_ bad," Jess repeats, and she gives Nick's shoulder a little squeeze as a 'thank you' for him checking in on her.

.....

**DAY 14**

"Hey Winston." Jess sits down next to her roommate and asks him what he's watching. "Ooh, I _love_ Molly Ringwald in this."

Winston kicks his feet up on the coffee table and sighs. "She's everything. Hey, so... how are you holding up?"

"What do you -"

"We've been worried about you", he admits. "Well... Nick has."

This makes Jess's stomach do a little flip, but she just presses her lips together and listens.

"You're doing a really good job at pretending your life isn't affected by any of this, but it's okay to admit that it is, a little bit. I know you miss your daily trips to the craft store, although I'll never understand why a woman needs that much yarn, but..."

"I'm _not_ , though, Winston. I'm losing it just as much as you idiots. I'm just... _pretending_ that I'm not so that you three don't kill each other before this is over."

.....

**ALSO DAY 14**

"Hey." Jess smacks Nick on the arm and jolts him away from whatever he's doing on his laptop.

"Hey." He looks up at her and half-smiles. "'Sup?"

"Why are you confiding in Winston about me, you dummy?"

"W-What?"

"Stop worrying about me. I'm gonna be fine. You should be more concerned at the fact that those sweatpants have a blueberry muffin stain on them from six, seven days ago. Friend to friend: It's time to change."

Nick laughs, though, and he runs a hand up her arm casually, stopping at her shoulder to give it a squeeze. "I'm worrying about 'ya because I care about 'ya, and you can tell me to stop but I can't, because we're friends, and Schmidt told me that's what friends do, so. Just... _let me_."

She thinks about fighting him on it for a second, but she just shrugs and let's him get back to whatever dumb YouTube tutorial he's watching. "Okay."

.....

**DAY 16**

"Cece sexted me today." Schmidt looks like the kid from _Willy Wonka_ when he found the Golden Ticket in his chocolate bar.

"Congrats!"

"Nice, man."

"Gross! Don't describe it in detail, please."

Schmidt cradles his phone to his chest like he would a newborn baby, grinning from ear-to-ear like a clown. "I won't, I promise. Oh, there is a God!"

.....

**DAY 17**

Jess ordered a 1000-piece puzzle online, and today they're all standing around the dining room table, 900-something pieces to go. She's surprised Nick hasn't killed Winston yet (he's the _worst_ puzzle-doer on the planet, really) and Schmidt's only needed one glass of her pink wine to get through the group activity so far.

"I know you all hate me," Jess starts, trailing off and squinting at the bottom-left corner of the puzzle. That piece _definitely_ doesn't go there. 

"We don't," Nick says assuringly.

"I kind of do...", Schmidt chimes in.

"I don't know, this — as much as this all sucks, I'm really glad I'm stuck inside with you weirdos and not like..."

"Paul Genzlinger?", Schmidt suggests, and now the guys are all laughing at the memory of Jess's most recent ex and his antics.

"Yeah, sure, that's what I was going to say." She's smiling, though, just staring at their barely-done puzzle on the table and the three guys she would do just about anything for surrounding it.

.....

**DAY 19**

"So, it's not... _illegal_ to leave the house."

"Schmidt..."

Schmidt lifts his hands up over his head like he's guilty.

"It's not, but it's not recommended. _Why_?"

"I'll bring my mask, I'll - I'll wear gloves when we do it."

"You," Jess starts, racing over to him and shoving him teasingly in the chest, "are _not_ going over to Cece's, do you hear me?!"

"I don't see the issue. She hasn't left the house in 19 days, I haven't left the house in 19 days. I'm just - I'm just going to race over, put my... y'know -"

"NO!" Nick yells, demanding Schmidt not to go farther. He's had to hear _enough_ about his penis these past few weeks. 

"You can't," Jess says calmly. "Nadia's an essential worker."

It's Nick's eyes that widen at this. "Nadia's a _nurse_?"

"Um. No. I don't exactly know _what_ she does, and I'm willing to bet it's something illegal, but just... _no_. You're not going over there, Schmidt, okay? When this is all over, you and Cece will have plenty of time to do... whatever gross, weird things you like to do to each other."

"Perfect." Schmidt claps his hands together and turns toward his bedroom, then back to his friends. "More free time means more time to expand on my sexual to-do list. I've got role plays for _days_ , son. FOR. DAYS."

.....

**DAY 20**

"I don't know if it's because I haven't had any... y'know... male interaction in awhile, but Winston in those joggers yesterday looked _super_ sexy to me."

Nick gags and looks at Jess like she grew an extra arm. "They made his butt look weird and you know it! Stop it, Jess. Just go bake something."

"Little Jess is starting to get _looooonely_ ," she sings, and he hates when she calls her vagina 'Little Jess'. He hates it so much.

"Jess, my life feels incomplete when I don't get to flirt with lonely, vulnerable women at my bar, but I'm dealing _just fine_!", he yells.

"Yesterday, I caught you kissing the cantaloupe on the kitchen counter. With tongue, Nick. With tongue!"

"Okay, fine! This shit _sucks_ , Jess."

She sighs in defeat, and then she grabs her friend's fingers and gives them a squeeze. "I know."

.....

**DAY 22**

"Lots of people are adopting dogs now that they're home to give them the attention they need."

Three " _No_ "'s get thrown at her like bricks, but then Winston takes his back a second later. "What breed are we thinking?"

Jess perks up in the armchair she's sitting in and flashes a picture of this tiny, Yorkie puppy at him. "How cuuuuute."

"Absolutely not," Nick says grumpily. "I hate... things that move."

"That's everyone in this loft, you idiot," Schmidt argues.

"Exactly."

.....

**DAY 23**

Jess spends six-and-a-half hours on a pros and cons list on why a puppy would or wouldn't be a good addition to the loft.

**_"CON: May fall too in love with Nick. He sleeps like a log sixteen hours a day, and he won't want to cuddle in my bed."_ **

"NEVER MIND!", she yells too-loudly from her bedroom. She doesn't even know what the guys are doing or if they're even up, but she shouts, "WE DON'T HAVE TO GET THE DOG!"

.....

**DAY 24**

Jess wakes up extra early and makes everyone eggs and French toast with the little bit of ingredients they've got left before they're due for another grocery run. She doesn't like to brag, but her eggs are _good_ , and when she doesn't overdo it on the cinnamon, so is her French toast.

Nick takes the plate Jess left for him on the counter top and brings it over to the dining room table. "This is nice, Jess. Thanks." He pokes and prods at the toast for a second, and then looks over at her. "Mine are all soggy, though. Should I heat 'em up?"

"They're soggy because your plate," she starts, "has been sitting there all morning. It's two o'clock in the afternoon."

"I was up all night writing, Jessica. Only geniuses can create in the dark."

"Anything good?" She can't tell if she's genuinely interested or if she's just trying to be nice to him. 

"Do you like _The Walking Dead_ FanFiction?"

"Can't... say that I do," she says with a half-laugh, biting the inside of her cheek.

"Well now's the perfect time to start!"

She tries to come up with a quick excuse as to why she can't, but... y'know. "Fine. Show me damn FanFiction, Nick."

.....

**DAY 25**

"Jess?"

Schmidt's staring at her from his spot on the left side of the couch, and she's on the right knitting a scarf. Quarantine? Great time to pick back up on last year's knitting projects.

"I just... I wanted to say thank you," he says sincerely. And then: "You annoy me to the end of the earth."

"Um... you're... welcome?"

"...But you're also one of the best friends I've ever had."

She bites down on her lip and sets down the ball of yarn that _will_ be Cece's future birthday gift in a couple of days. 

"You mean that?"

Schmidt nods confidently. "I mean that. This whole... This is scary, Jess. People are dying all over the place. My mom's friend Susan's friend's friend actually got the virus, and it's not lookin' too good. I'm - I'm afraid to even leave the house, and my hand sanitizer supplier is running _dangerously_ low."

"Why am I not surprised you have a guy." She shakes her head. "Go to the store like the rest of us, weirdo."

"Anyway. I'm trying to say that you've made this time a lot more enjoyable for me, and I owe you a 'thank you'. We all do. I mean. Nick? Nick would've definitely sawed his arm off, _127 Hours_ style by now, but you've kept us all busy and... connected, I guess."

Jess feels an instant pang of happiness inside of her, because it's not often people thank her for ripping her heart out of her own body and sprinkling it all over them to make sure they're okay before she checks on herself.

"I don't say it a lot — or _ever_ , really. But we really like having you here, Jess. All of us."

.....

**DAY 27**

"Schmidt _thanked me_ yesterday," she admits to Nick when it's just the two of them in the kitchen, sometime past eleven o'clock at night.

"Yeah, he told me." Nick grabs orange juice from the fridge, then champagne from the counter top. It's their last bottle. He pops it open and pours two glasses, one for Jess and one for himself. "Here. Thought you could use this."

She appreciatively takes the champagne flute from his hands and takes a long sip.

"Wanna get out of here?"

"You know we can't leave the house," she says pointedly, and he just shakes his head. She thinks she's picking up on what he's thinking. "The beach?"

"It's still open, we just - We can't go within six feet of anyone we see. Not that I'm expecting it to be packed. It's midnight on a...", he trails off.

"Tuesday, I think," Jess says with a laugh.

.....

They make it to the beach a little after 12:30. It was raining a few hours ago, so the air still smells like it would've during a storm, and the sand is a little wet, but it feels so nice out here; so unfamiliar after being pretty much nowhere besides a loft for the last month.

Nick slips off his shoes and then Jess does the same, setting both pairs down on a beach blanket she had in the trunk of her Volvo. They both sit down, knees to their chest, not saying anything for a second.

Jess is the first one to say anything — she always is. "So." She runs a hand through her hair and takes a staggered breath, beginning to unzip the bag they packed the champagne and the glasses in. "What are we doing here?"

"Getting out. I'm the definition of 'homebody' and 'leave me the hell alone to rot in my room', but even _I'm_ going crazy."

Jess laughs at that. Nick was definitely the most... prepared of the group. "Why didn't you invite the guys?", she inquires, and Nick takes a long breath at that, almost looking frustrated that she even asked him that question; like she put him on the spot, or something.

"I just... I'm tired of them, okay?"

"Then you're _definitely_ tired of me," she says teasingly. 

Nick squints his eyes, then looks straight out at the ocean, as far away from Jess's eyes as possible. "I don't think... I don't know if I could ever get tired of you, and I - I don't know why."

.....

**DAY 28**

"Soooo... you're telling me I could meet up with Cece for a late-night beach rendezvous, huh?"

"One: You don't live in the same household as her, you don't know if you're asymptomatic or if she may be, so _no_. Two: It... It wasn't a ' _rendezvous_ ', Schmidt. It was two friends hanging out on an old beach blanket sharing a bottle of six-dollar champagne."

"If that's what you have to tell yourself it was, Jess, then you tell yourself that."

.....

**DAY 29**

Nick invites Jess up to the roof of their building this time. He went to the liquor store earlier that day and picked up some 'essentials', he called them — the pinkest, fruitiest wine for Jess, and whiskey for himself.

"Cheers, Jess."

They clink their glasses together and enjoy the silence for a second.

"What you said the other day...", she starts, trailing off as she lifts her wine glass to her lips and takes a longer sip than she planned to. "I... I feel that way too, Nick."

"That there needs to be a _Garbage Pail Kids_ revival? Yeah, Jess, I agree."

Jess flicks him on the shoulder and shakes her head. "I'm not tired of you either."

.....

**DAY 30**

Schmidt kisses Nick on the cheek _way_ too aggressively for nine o'clock in the morning, shouts, "HAPPY CORONA-VERSARY. WE'VE MADE IT A MONTH! A WHOLE _MONTH_ , NICHOLAS!"

"Whoa, slow down there buddy..." Nick takes a seat on one of the bar stools in the kitchen and groggily rubs his eyes. Nine in the morning is an ungodly hour to him; he's usually not up until three PM, at least. He couldn't sleep, though; not well enough. Too much whiskey and drunk-watching _Law and Order: SVU_ with Jess until like, four in the morning.

"We've probably got like, a month to go. More, maybe. My cousin Carol works in healthcare and says this is just the beginning," he reminds Schmidt.

Schmidt looks defeated for a second. "Oh. Well, at least we know it's humanly possible for me to go a month without sex. Although, I _have_ done some pretty risky things over Snapchat that I am _not_ —"

"Alright, man, we get it; I'm happy for you and Cece and all but if I have to hear about it again you won't make it to Day 31, okay?"

"But I _want_ to make it to Day 31, Nick! I'm... I'm starting to have a lot of fun here."

"Great. _Jess!_ Get out here and tap dance to ruin his mood again!"

He hears Jess's closet door swiftly open. "COMING!"


End file.
